FAQs on Listening “Hey! Are you listening?”

Is hearing the same as listening? How can you get people to listen? Read on to find out.

1. What is listening? How is listening different from hearing?

Listening and hearing are not exactly the same thing. While it is true that you must hear in order to listen, it isn't always true that if you hear you ARE listening. Hearing is a function carried out by your brain wherein the sounds received by your ears are assigned meaning. But just because our brain understands the words doesn't mean that our minds will understand what is received. Listening is a skill but one that very few practice as much as they practice speaking!

2. Why do I seem to lose interest in what people are saying to me?

Obviously there are topics that hold our interest. For one it's sports, for another it's office gossip - when you expose the sports person to office gossip they may soon yawn or move on. And stories of those with no interest in sports are common. If you are listening to a topic that is uninteresting you will soon "tune it out" and while you may still hear the words, you will lose the meaning.

Another less popular reason for losing interest is focus on self - for some psychological reason, no one seems as fascinating as ourselves. Learning to be interested in others can improve listening but that doesn't make it easy. Country singer Toby Keith sings "I like talking about you - usually. But some of the time - I wanna talk about me!" If you can stay interested in the other person, you'll usually be better able to listen to them.

A third reason for losing interest lies in the fact that we hear at one rate and process (in our brains) at a much higher rate. It's easy to "wander off the path" because we think we know what the person is going to say or because we find the topic uninteresting. We'll suggest ways to use this "extra interior time" later.

3. How can I make others listen to me?

You can't MAKE anyone listen. All you can hope to do is to create a stimulating, interesting and attention getting message. And remember that your responsibility ends at your listener's ears. If you've put forward the best message you can and made it as clear as possible, then you've done all you can.

If you want to help make sure that you are listened to, then involve more of the other person's senses. This means making your voice pleasant and easy to listen to; it means using gestures and facial expressions to add a visual component, and it involves listening to yourself - that is, asking yourself "am I being a person that 'I' would want to listen to?"

4. I thought they heard what I was saying - how come they didn't do what I said?

This takes us back to the difference between listening and hearing. WE know exactly what we meant and we put it in words that described the inner picture we wanted to get across. Our hearers put their own mental "spin" on the words. They may have only partially listened, they may have had different meanings for the words, or they may not have had a complete understanding.

If we want to be listened to, we have an obligation to solicit feedback from our listeners. I hate to say it's like dealing with children but you have to ask, "Now what did I say?" sometimes.

5. How can I improve my listening?

Listening improves when we involve more of ourselves in the listening process. What do I mean by more of ourselves? Be interested in the person non-verbally - look at them as they speak. Ask questions - make sure you cover points you don't understand. Provide feedback - say something like "so what you're saying is . . ." and then summarize what you've heard. Take notes - if it's that important then write it down.

Also, as mentioned above, you listen faster than you can hear. Use that extra mental processing time to review what the person is saying. Ask yourself quick questions that check to see that you are understanding what is said.

It irritates us when we're not listened to - so put yourself in the other person's shoes and remember how you feel when you're not paid attention to.

About the Author

Hal Warfield is a speaker, teacher and coach. Write him at warfield@midsouth.rr.com">warfield@midsouth.rr.com or via his website at http://www.halwarfield.com" target="_blank">www.halwarfield.com

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